R.J. Anderson (rj_anderson) wrote,
R.J. Anderson

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I must be getting better at this after all

raleva31, otherwise known as Uber-Agent Rachel Vater, is looking at a bunch of query letters right now and saying what does and doesn't work for her. As some of you will recall, I tried this a few months ago with Miss Snark and didn't pass muster, so I worked hard on revising my hook before sending it in this time. Here's the result:

As the Faery Queen's appointed Hunter, Knife alone has the courage and skill to fight the crows who threaten the Oakenfolk's survival. Yet neither she nor the Queen can do anything to stop a mysterious magical disease from claiming the faeries of the Oak one by one.

But there are humans at the bottom of the garden, and a glimpse inside their House convinces Knife that they have powers and knowledge that could help her people. Still, if the human world has so much to offer, why is the Queen determined to keep the faeries away from it? Is there a connection between the House and the Oakenfolk's loss of magic? And why is Knife so drawn to the young Paul McCormick -- that strangest of creatures, a human male?

Knife determines to learn the truth about the Oakenfolk's relationship to humanity, no matter what the Queen might do to prevent her -- a quest which threatens the growing friendship between herself and Paul, puts both their lives in jeopardy, and challenges everything Knife has ever believed about humans, faeries, and her own heart's desire. And when at last Knife discovers the secret the Faery Queen has been hiding, she is forced to make an agonizing choice between love and freedom that will change her life, and the lives of her people, forever.

RV'S COMMENTS: Okay, it could work. Is the faery tiny or human-sized? (If they're tiny, a romance with a human is... kinda difficult. If they're big, why are crows a threat?) How come humans have never seen them before? Are they invisible or what?

I'm interested in YA romantic fantasy, so I'd read the first few pages to see the writing. And I'd read a synopsis. So the hook works. I like the idea of discovering faeries' relationship to humanity.

So it seems I'm finally doing something right, hook-wise. Yay!
Tags: agents, feedback, hook, knife, queries, writing
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