So I popped off all the keys and cleaned my keyboard thoroughly with rubbing alcohol, and then I gave it a few hours to dry. Tonight I decided to test it out by typing "the quick brown fox".
The result looked like this:
No, I'm not kidding. It's really that bad. *weeps*
Right now I am typing on a cruddy old keyboard borrowed from my parents, but it also happens to be the only keyboard they have for their computer so I may have to return it at any moment. Meanwhile my beautiful Microsoft Natural Keyboard lies face-down over the register, in a last vain hope that all it needs is just a little... more... drying. I don't hold out much hope, though.
Anyway, all of that is to say, if I'm not around quite as much as usual the next couple of days, you'll know why.