R.J. Anderson (rj_anderson) wrote,
R.J. Anderson

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Short, spoilery post-"Father's Day" Whofic -- Gen, Rated K+

Jackie blames herself.

Oh, she doesn't say anything about it to Rose -- lonely as she is, she's not so daft as to put a weight like that on her little girl's shoulders. Besides, it's better for Rose to have nothing but happy memories of her Dad, or at least as many positive thoughts about him as Jackie's lies and half-truths can give her. Jackie hasn't even told her how Pete died, not really. Rose thinks it was an accident.

Jackie knows better, though. And she knows it was her fault. Stupid cow, couldn't keep your mouth shut -- just had to have a go at him, didn't you? And on Sarah's wedding day, even, right outside the church. All because Pete was late and showed up with a naff present that wasn't even wrapped, like she should have trusted him to do the shopping in the first place. And then her silly insecurities got the better of her and she couldn't help feeling sure he'd stopped off for a pint and a chat-up -- or worse -- with that pretty blonde barmaid at the pub down the road. She'd just lost her head and yelled at him as soon as he'd stepped out of the car -- hadn't even given him a chance to explain.

And a few minutes later, he was dead.

Can't blame him, can you? Not when you kept on telling him what a failure he was, how he'd never add up to anything, how sick you were of him piling his useless rubbish all over the flat. She must have finally got to him somehow, humiliated him more than any ordinary man (and Pete was nothing if not ordinary -- that was the problem, wasn't it?) could be expected to take. After all, how else could she explain the way he'd bolted off like that, out the church door and onto the road? Why else would he have stopped right in front of that poor kid's car, eyes screwed shut, just waiting for the end?

No, Rose doesn't need to know any of that, thinks Jackie bitterly. She closes the photo album with a gentleness she doesn't feel, and sets it to one side of the bed.

"Do you miss him, mummy?" asks Rose.

Jackie doesn't trust herself to speak. She only nods, and pulls her daughter close. God forgive me, she whispers into the dark silence of her mind. I never meant to kill him, I swear.

She wishes she could talk to Pete just once more, tell him she's sorry. But you can't turn back time, and it's too late now.
Tags: doctor who, fanfic
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